I Have Been Blind


"Vision WITH ACTION..."

… But it hasn’t been my fault. If I continue on with these blinders… then it will be my fault.

noun: scotoma; plural noun: scotomata; plural noun:scotomas

a partial loss of vision or a blind spot in an otherwise normal visual field.

I put a scotoma on the vision for my life. I have been sitting in the dark. Have you ever done that? Think hard. Maybe you thought you should be doing massage but you settled in as an administrative assistant because you couldn’t see how to make it as a massage therapist. Maybe it was being a writer but you associated it with struggling artist and opted to get a job that just let you pay the bills.

We put blinders on and block our vision. I can remember being a tween dancing around my grandparent’s house wanting to be a mogul. I developed the idea from wanting to be a mash up of Oprah (before the billionaire status), Spike Lee and Debbie Allen (I think I just wanted Debbie’s fierceness because at the time she was just on FAME and that is all I knew.) Scotoma kicked in when I began learning about college, careers and salaries. That “get a good job” mentality kicked in and my desire to be a mogul was hard to grasp in the confusion of information.  I could not figure out how to go about it. I stopped thinking it was possible. Fear of not suceeding set in.

I recently started recrafting that vision for my life again. And the dots began connecting, again. Mogul… that status is more than comfortable. I am interested in being… rich. Living in God’s abundance is real. How can I be of help from a position of lack?

One of the problems within the Black community is wealth. There are a percentage of use who have achieved wealth. But still we are unable to broker power plays because we lack the access to financial resources. We certainly know that this wasn’t always the case. I have been reading my Great, great, great grandfather’s book, the Life and Early Recollections of Dr. James Still, and I realized there was a blueprint for my family all along. Dr. Still was a millionaire. He started out having loans and was in debt but he saw his purpose in life was to heal. He had a vision to open a clinic in which to heal the sick and through helping others and being a vessel through which God’s work could be done he was blessed with family and a successful practice of herbal medicine.

I love that saying about God qualifying the called. My great, great, great, grandfather didn’t study medicine but he healed with herbs and his knowledge of the body. He was qualified by God to do what he did and he saved lives because he followed his vision and the purpose on his life.

We all come into our own understanding in our own time, and if we can not see how to achieve something scotoma sets in. Getting clear on what you want and the belief that you can achieve it will clear up this condition. Your vision for your life is important. Without it you are not living. Make sure your vision for your life is intact.

I challenge you to write down your vision for your life and read it daily and chose to believe that it can be achieved.

On Second Thought…



I have the tendency to do that a lot… Think! Sometimes I overthink and then there are times when I should have put more thought into things for sure. Those are the times where I “give things away”. It ranges from money to time… in many cases, far too much time. I am loyal. I have the character of a team player. I believe in doing things that benefit the whole and if that means I give extra… that is what happens. I give.

There are moments when God put you in position to actually receive. It is in those times where I get the most emotional. You never really expect to receive something, anything when you do something that you love or you do something that you feel you need to do. I think those times catch me the most off guard.

In the past I’ve given away my talent. It is archived online, evident in fliers, photographs and on the walls of the people who took it. I am not mad at it though. I did some pretty great work. I also did some not so great work. But I learned so much. Doing graphic design I learned new techniques, new resources, new processes. But the lessons that I learned while honing my talent we’re the ones that were most priceless. I think the most important thing I learned was discernment. People will take advantage of you if you let them. I have learned to recognize those tendencies to “take” and manipulate.

I always think about Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” This was definitely a lesson for me. I never want to be the victim. I always check my role in situations. “How did I contribute to this?” In the same token I never want to inflict harm, be malicious, or inconsiderate to another human being.

I chose to remove myself from situations that we’re not serving my greater purpose. Or rather were only for the moment. Everything has a stepping stone, sometimes when you’re in it you don’t realize that it is not a permanent situation. That is “ignorance is bliss” at work.


I started another decade. I’m at the beginning and really feel excited and happy about the direction I am going. I constantly hear ‘speak what you want into existence’. I really feel stronger about it now. See… before I was a worrier. Actually there’s still some worry in me, but I really feel that my faith is stronger than my worries. See, all that time was practice. Flying by the seat of my pants and worrying about other people more than myself was a lesson that I had to learn. Now I see telltale signs, the writing on the wall, the warning signs and I high tail it the other direction. I really want positive energy around my life. The belief that things are possible regardless of the challenges that lie ahead. And certainly there will be challenges. Without struggle there is no progress. But what I want most is the belief that it is do-able.

I had such an amazing experience this past week. I started this blog about a week ago but it wasn’t finished and I now understand why. I went on a business trip to Ohio, where I was in the company of eight amazing people. It was one of those trips where everything felt like it was meant to be. In those moments sometimes I get lost, not wanting it to end. But this time I realized how much of a beginning this was. Just a mustard seed is not an exaggeration. Once you plant that seed watch the development, watch the movement, watch the change. There will be a shift. It is evident in so many instances in my life as I dictate this blog. (Yes I’m fancy.)

Let me back track though. In August, I started a new daily regimen. I began to listen and read more on personal development. In doing so I see differently. But get this. I have always loved biographies, autobiographies, self help books and so forth. So I am certainly not new to personal development. The difference is a different level of want.

The greatest capability that we have is the decision making process. We can change the path we’re on with a matter of implementing new thoughts and beliefs. And when you do that the excitement that wells up in you makes change happen. But it is the type of thing you really have to see for yourself.

Thinking back to last week one thing that I said was ‘you can’t wish dopeness on anyone else they have to want it for themselves’. I can want you to be great but unless you can see that you can be great it’s not going to happen. Having a second thought… a change of perspective and new epiphany, revelation will develop a new mindset and attitude.

Being around like minded individuals is beyond important. I was fortunate to be in great company.

The Sondai Souq