We learn certain behaviors from our families that we may not recognize as detrimental because it is so common place. To be honest this post will probably include some of that good ole cover magic that I am discussing here. Why do we do it? Are the secrets learned? Do we just do it to protect our ego?
These are questions I ask myself when I feel depressed or completely out of sorts. The mask we put on is preserving what exactly? Pain, embarrassment, possible ridicule. More than likely all of those things. America is famous for wearing the mask. If you take a look at all of the issues around the United States alone you will realize that mask is so withered and crack that the truth is shining through.
I ask, is this mask healthy or are we simply use to the fit? I can remember being a loud kid in the house. I would just be having fun. I can not remember specifics of what I would say but I do remember my grandmother saying “Shh, Kimmie the neighbors will hear you.” I didn’t care. I mean weren’t we in our own house? We lived in an old home and I doubt back then the walls were so thin that they could hear us. I never heard them other than the band rehearsals in the basement. Even then we would actually sing along. We were tight with our neighbors.
But the privacy of families is more complicated than it has to be. Family secrets, concealing ailments, all kinds of stuff that could be helpful in human connection. Not everyone needs to know our business. That is the rule of thumb. No one ever wants to appear lesser in the eyes of their neighbors. Or be pitied because they are down on their luck. It happens to everyone. One turn of events can have us high on the totem pole and another can have us scraping the bottom of the barrel. But no one would ever know.
I have always joked that Black folks can step out of the house dressed to the nines even if at home they ain’t got no lights or a kernel of corn to eat. Pride is a constant in the Black community especially in looking the part. If we look good everyone will believe we are good. That is definitely multi-leveled.
What happens if we are vulnerable and share our hardships? Ultimately, I believe that there will be folks that are in your corner and others you will realize who are not. I have been blessed to experience it and still do not have the words. I know there are not always those who want to see you shine. I can’t stand the term haters but… Well let’s just say they are not happy with themselves so how could they even stand to be in the shadow of your light. The sad thing is that there is enough light to go around and if we all shine there would be no shadows.
The rumor mill may run off at the mouth. That is the nature of some but more often than not they will find themselves in need at some point. Karma is real. I do know this though we can not expect to experience a blessing if we don’t open our mouths to ask for what we need or un-clinch our fists to receive.