Don’t be alarmed… this was the other day. Since I am writing this message I must be ok. BUT I have begun pricing a refurbished VitaMix and I am working on getting my vegetables delivered again.

I am a sexy big girl. The men who like it… like it. So much so several have expressed to me that I should not lose weight because they like me how I am. Now I have always felt some kinda way about that statement. So if I express to you that the doctor thinks I am a borderline diabetic with high cholestrol and a chance of having a heart attack you would still want me at this size? A$$H*le I would be dead! Obviously, they didn’t make the grade of life long partner.

I have never been… wait I was about to lie. I was a size 12 in what 4th or 5th grade? That was big for that age. My family always said “you better lose the weight before you become a pre-teen because it will be harder for you to lose after that”. Thing was I was big for my age but it was nothing that a little increased activity wouldn’t have put a stop to. Problem was I was accident prone. Wore one skate to keep my balance. I was too afraid to fall. Fell off my bike one good time, never got back on it. Got a scooter instead. (I loved that thing) Just running my knees would buckle and twist out of place. TO THIS DAY I cringe just thinking about it. I get freaked out over anything dealing with bones. Whew! Moving on.

I am overweight and I have been feeling it lately. I love my style and what I am able to do with fashion and some accessories. I am going to miss some key pieces in my wardrobe but I need some relief on my knees and ankles. They have been cursing me out. I do not like them when they get so angry. So it has to go. The weight that is. It will be difficult in the beginning. I have started and stopped dietary changes more than once. The problem most of the time is convenience. I am a grad student. I am either reading, writing or trying to sleep. I love to cook but that is an investment of time.

*sidebar – Gentlemen. Notice I said I love to cook. I am good at it too.

I never feel like there is never enough time in the day to prepare a proper meal. Hell maybe my time management is off. I need to do better. But yes, the title of this post was a real feeling on more than one occasion. I have read up on it actually because at one point I think I may have or am a hypochondriac so I needed to figure out all of my ailments because they were going to kill me. I have herbs and tinctures for a multiplicity of things… a multiplicity you hear me?

Loose herbs all up and through my cabinet – ya hear?

I know a number of remedies but, still ailments seem to repeat themselves. Which essentially means that I haven’t been doing what I need to be doing. Taking better care of myself. So I think I will make that investment. I mean what is a gabillion dollars (estimated cost of a vitamix) when it comes to your health.

Next post: Washington’s Green Grocer aka there is fruit at my door.